Monday, September 19, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
FUNNY INDIAN POLITICIAN EMAIL JOKE
Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Sonia are on a long flight in an Air Force plane.
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy." Of course Sonia doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.I notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"
Laloo pulls out a 100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down below happy."
Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note, I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below happy." Of course Sonia doesn't want these two candidates to out do her so she pipes in, 'I would instead take one hundred Rs.I notes and throw them out to make 100 people just a little happier.
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make 975 million people happy!"
Monday, September 12, 2011
INDIAN, PAKISTANI AND BANGLADESHI JOKE
Pakistani, Bangladeshi and OUR Sardar are in a bar one night
having a beer.
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass
in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't
need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his
beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses
that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice
either."
OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi.
He says "In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi
that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
having a beer.
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass
in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't
need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his
beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses
that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice
either."
OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks
it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and
shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi.
He says "In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshi
that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State
LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
**********
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
**********
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
**********
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
**********
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
**********
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
**********
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
**********
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
**********
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
**********
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
**********
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
**********
**********
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
**********
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
**********
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
**********
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
**********
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
**********
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
**********
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
**********
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
**********
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
**********
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
**********
WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THELEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE
This is the winner:-
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.†'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime
This is the winner:-
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.
I thought that I could love no other --
that is until I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
I want to feel your sweet embrace;
But don't take that paper bag off your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe “'Go to hell.†'
What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts tequila, one part lime
A Mathematician and Bartender
Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician
goes down to the bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last
seat, which is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her
a drink.
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."
The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a drink? Never know --she might say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely is THAT to happen?"
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of the bartender, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions, but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out empty space?"
The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might suddenly appear there."
The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every Friday if you could buy HER a drink? Never know --she might say yes."
The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely is THAT to happen?"
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Friday, July 22, 2011
Who is a boy????
I think everyone might have read abt Mom's, Wife's and Girl's...
Its time to learn something abt Men...
Who is a boy / man ?
A boy/man is one of the most beautiful creations of God.
He starts compromising at very tender age. He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister.
Later he sacrifices his love for just a smile on his parents face. He sacrifices his love for his wife and children by working late nights.
He builds their future by taking loans from banks and then repaying them for the life time. Thus he sacrifices full youth for his wife and children without any complain.
Believe me he struggles a lot but still has to hear the music (scolding) of Mother, wife and his boss. Yet every mother, wife and boss tries to have control over him.
Finally his life ends up by compromising for others happiness. He is that creature of God who no one can compete with.
Respect every boy/man in your life. You will never know what he has sacrificed for you.
Just extend your hand when he needs it and you shall receive twice fold love from him.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
LETTER OF THE EDITOR OF "THE TIMES OF INDIA " TO THE PRIME MINISTER OF INDIA
LETTER OF THE EDITOR OF "THE TIMES OF INDIA " TO THE PRIME MINISTER OF INDIA
I am born and brought up in Mumbai for last fifty eight years. Believe me, corruption in Maharashtra is worse than that in Bihar . Look at all the politicians, Sharad Pawar, Chagan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane, Bal Thackray , Gopinath Munde, Raj Thackray, Vilasrao Deshmukh all are rolling in money. Vilasrao Deshmukh is one of the worst Chief ministers I have seen. His only business is to increase the FSI every other day, make money and send it to Delhi , so Congress can fight next election. Now the clown has found new way and will increase FSI for fishermen, so they can build concrete houses right on sea shore. Next time terrorists can comfortably live in those houses, enjoy the beauty of the sea and then attack our Mumbai at their will.
Recently, I had to purchase a house in Mumbai. I met about two dozen builders. Everybody wanted about 30% in black. A common person like me knows this and with all your intelligence agency & CBI, you and your finance ministers are not aware of it. Where all the black money goes? To the underworld, isn't it? Our politicians take help of these goondas to vacate people by force. I myself was victim of it. If you have time please come to me, I will tell you everything.
If this has been a land of fools, idiots, then I would not have ever cared to write to you this letter. Just see the tragedy. On one side we are reaching moon, people are so intelligent; and on the other side, you politicians have converted nectar into deadly poison.I am everything - Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Scheduled Caste, OBC, Muslim OBC, Christian Scheduled Caste, and Creamy Scheduled Caste; only what I am not is INDIAN. You politicians have raped every part of Mother India by your policy of divide and rule.
Take example of our Former President Abdul Kalam. Such an intelligent person; such a fine human being. But you politician didn't even spare him and instead choose a worthless lady who had corruption charges and insignificant local polititian of Jalgaon WHO'S NAME ENTIRE COUNTRY HAD NOT HEARD BEFORE. Its simple logic your party just wanted a rubber stamp in the name of president. Imagine SHE IS SUPREME COMMANDER OF INDIA 'S THREE DEFENCE FORCES. What morale you will expect from our defence forces? Your party along with opposition joined hands, because politicians feel they are supreme and there is no place for a good person.
Dear Mr Prime minister, you are one of the most intelligent person, a most learned person. Just wake up, be a real SARDAR. First and foremost, expose all selfish politicians. Ask Swiss banks to give names of all Indian account holders. Give reins of CBI to independent agency. Let them find wolves among us. There will be political upheaval, but that will be better than dance of death which we are witnessing every day. Just give us ambience where we can work honestly and without fear. Let there be rule of law. Everything else will be taken care of.
Choice is yours Mr. Prime Minister. Do you want to be lead by one person, or you want to lead the nation of 100 Crore people?
Prakash B. Bajaj
Editor Mumbai-Times of India
PLEASE READ N FORWARD TO AS MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR CONTACT LIST..............
I am born and brought up in Mumbai for last fifty eight years. Believe me, corruption in Maharashtra is worse than that in Bihar . Look at all the politicians, Sharad Pawar, Chagan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane, Bal Thackray , Gopinath Munde, Raj Thackray, Vilasrao Deshmukh all are rolling in money. Vilasrao Deshmukh is one of the worst Chief ministers I have seen. His only business is to increase the FSI every other day, make money and send it to Delhi , so Congress can fight next election. Now the clown has found new way and will increase FSI for fishermen, so they can build concrete houses right on sea shore. Next time terrorists can comfortably live in those houses, enjoy the beauty of the sea and then attack our Mumbai at their will.
Recently, I had to purchase a house in Mumbai. I met about two dozen builders. Everybody wanted about 30% in black. A common person like me knows this and with all your intelligence agency & CBI, you and your finance ministers are not aware of it. Where all the black money goes? To the underworld, isn't it? Our politicians take help of these goondas to vacate people by force. I myself was victim of it. If you have time please come to me, I will tell you everything.
If this has been a land of fools, idiots, then I would not have ever cared to write to you this letter. Just see the tragedy. On one side we are reaching moon, people are so intelligent; and on the other side, you politicians have converted nectar into deadly poison.I am everything - Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Scheduled Caste, OBC, Muslim OBC, Christian Scheduled Caste, and Creamy Scheduled Caste; only what I am not is INDIAN. You politicians have raped every part of Mother India by your policy of divide and rule.
Take example of our Former President Abdul Kalam. Such an intelligent person; such a fine human being. But you politician didn't even spare him and instead choose a worthless lady who had corruption charges and insignificant local polititian of Jalgaon WHO'S NAME ENTIRE COUNTRY HAD NOT HEARD BEFORE. Its simple logic your party just wanted a rubber stamp in the name of president. Imagine SHE IS SUPREME COMMANDER OF INDIA 'S THREE DEFENCE FORCES. What morale you will expect from our defence forces? Your party along with opposition joined hands, because politicians feel they are supreme and there is no place for a good person.
Dear Mr Prime minister, you are one of the most intelligent person, a most learned person. Just wake up, be a real SARDAR. First and foremost, expose all selfish politicians. Ask Swiss banks to give names of all Indian account holders. Give reins of CBI to independent agency. Let them find wolves among us. There will be political upheaval, but that will be better than dance of death which we are witnessing every day. Just give us ambience where we can work honestly and without fear. Let there be rule of law. Everything else will be taken care of.
Choice is yours Mr. Prime Minister. Do you want to be lead by one person, or you want to lead the nation of 100 Crore people?
Prakash B. Bajaj
Editor Mumbai-Times of India
PLEASE READ N FORWARD TO AS MANY PEOPLE IN YOUR CONTACT LIST..............
Monday, July 18, 2011
Industrialists & Businessman, A must read !!!!!
"Success is not a Long jump nor a High jump, its a Marathon of Steps"
A news reporter asked Ratan Tata as to why Tatas are not making as much
money as Reliance. He was said to have replied, “We are industrialists.
They are businessmen.
What TATA did to 26/11 Mumbai victims?
Pl. do not delete. A must read Topic for all Indians
LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT IS
"CORPORATE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY"?
THE NEWS WE DO NOT KNOW!
The Tata Gesture
1. All category of employees including those who had completed even 1 day
as casuals were treated on duty during the time the hotel was closed.
2. Relief and assistance to all those who were injured and killed
3. The relief and assistance was extended to all those who died at the
railway station, surroundings including the “Pav- Bha ji” vendor and the
pan shop owners.
4. During the time the hotel was closed, the salaries were sent by money
order.
5. A psychiatric cell was established in collaboration with Tata Institute
of Social Sciences to counsel those who needed such help.
6. The thoughts and anxieties going on people’s mind was constantly tracked
and where needed psychological help provided.
7. Employee outreach centers were opened where all help, food, water,
sanitation, first aid and counseling was provided. 1600 employees were
covered by this facility.
8. Every employee was assigned to one mentor and it was that person’s
responsibility to act as a “single window” clearance for any help that the
person required.
9. Ratan Tata personally visited the families of all the 80 employees who
in some manner – either through injury or getting killed – were affected.
10. The dependents of the employees were flown from outside Mumbai to
Mumbai and taken care off in terms of ensuring mental assurance and peace.
They were all accommodated in Hotel President for 3 weeks.
11. Ratan Tata himself asked the families and dependents – as to what they
wanted him to do.
12. In a record time of 20 days, a new trust was created by the Tatas for
the purpose of relief of employees.
13. What is unique is that even the other people, the railway employees,
the police staff, the pedestrians who had nothing to do with Tatas were
covered by compensation. Each one of them was provided subsistence
allowance of Rs. 10K per month for all these people for 6 months.
14. A 4 year old granddaughter of a vendor got 4 bullets in her and only
one was removed in the Government hospital. She was taken to Bombay
hospital and several lacs were spent by the Tatas on her to fully recover
her.
15. New hand carts were provided to several vendors who lost their carts.
16. Tata will take responsibility of life education of 46 children of the
victims of the terror.
17. This was the most trying period in the life of the organization. Senior
managers including Ratan Tata were visiting funeral to funeral over the 3
days that were most horrible.
18. The settlement for every deceased member ranged from Rs. 36 to 85 lacs
[One lakh rupees translates to approx 2200 US $ ] in addition to the
following benefits:
a. Full last salary for life for the family and dependents;
b. Complete responsibility of education of children and dependents –
anywhere in the world.
c. Full Medical facility for the whole family and dependents for rest of
their life.
d. All loans and advances were waived off – irrespective of the amount.
e. Counselor for life for each person
B. Epilogue
How was such passion created among the employees? How and why did they
behave the way they did?
The organization is clear that it is not something that someone can take
credit for. It is not some training and development that created such
behavior. If someone suggests that – everyone laughs
It has to do with the DNA of the organization, with the way Tata culture
exists and above all with the situation that prevailed that time. The
organization has always been telling that customers and guests are #1
priority
The hotel business was started by Jamshedji Tata when he was insulted in
one of the British hotels and not allowed to stay there.
He created several institutions which later became icons of progress,
culture and modernity. IISc is one such institute. He was told by the
rulers that time that he can acquire land for IISc to the extent he could
fence the same. He could afford fencing only 400 acres.
When the HR function hesitatingly made a very rich proposal to Ratan – he
said – do you think we are doing enough?
The whole approach was that the organization would spend several hundred
crore in re-building the property – why not spend equally on the employees
who gave their life?
This is NOT COVERED BY Any NEWS CHANNELS
Like JOKERS RUNNING AAJTAK, ZEE NEWS , IBN These People Busy SHOWING DOGS
CATS and cricketers
Forward to all people who you know to show what Ratan Tata DID for his
Employees and other Indians.
PASS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!
LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT IS "CORPORATE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY"?
regards,
A news reporter asked Ratan Tata as to why Tatas are not making as much
money as Reliance. He was said to have replied, “We are industrialists.
They are businessmen.
What TATA did to 26/11 Mumbai victims?
Pl. do not delete. A must read Topic for all Indians
LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT IS
"CORPORATE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY"?
THE NEWS WE DO NOT KNOW!
The Tata Gesture
1. All category of employees including those who had completed even 1 day
as casuals were treated on duty during the time the hotel was closed.
2. Relief and assistance to all those who were injured and killed
3. The relief and assistance was extended to all those who died at the
railway station, surroundings including the “Pav- Bha ji” vendor and the
pan shop owners.
4. During the time the hotel was closed, the salaries were sent by money
order.
5. A psychiatric cell was established in collaboration with Tata Institute
of Social Sciences to counsel those who needed such help.
6. The thoughts and anxieties going on people’s mind was constantly tracked
and where needed psychological help provided.
7. Employee outreach centers were opened where all help, food, water,
sanitation, first aid and counseling was provided. 1600 employees were
covered by this facility.
8. Every employee was assigned to one mentor and it was that person’s
responsibility to act as a “single window” clearance for any help that the
person required.
9. Ratan Tata personally visited the families of all the 80 employees who
in some manner – either through injury or getting killed – were affected.
10. The dependents of the employees were flown from outside Mumbai to
Mumbai and taken care off in terms of ensuring mental assurance and peace.
They were all accommodated in Hotel President for 3 weeks.
11. Ratan Tata himself asked the families and dependents – as to what they
wanted him to do.
12. In a record time of 20 days, a new trust was created by the Tatas for
the purpose of relief of employees.
13. What is unique is that even the other people, the railway employees,
the police staff, the pedestrians who had nothing to do with Tatas were
covered by compensation. Each one of them was provided subsistence
allowance of Rs. 10K per month for all these people for 6 months.
14. A 4 year old granddaughter of a vendor got 4 bullets in her and only
one was removed in the Government hospital. She was taken to Bombay
hospital and several lacs were spent by the Tatas on her to fully recover
her.
15. New hand carts were provided to several vendors who lost their carts.
16. Tata will take responsibility of life education of 46 children of the
victims of the terror.
17. This was the most trying period in the life of the organization. Senior
managers including Ratan Tata were visiting funeral to funeral over the 3
days that were most horrible.
18. The settlement for every deceased member ranged from Rs. 36 to 85 lacs
[One lakh rupees translates to approx 2200 US $ ] in addition to the
following benefits:
a. Full last salary for life for the family and dependents;
b. Complete responsibility of education of children and dependents –
anywhere in the world.
c. Full Medical facility for the whole family and dependents for rest of
their life.
d. All loans and advances were waived off – irrespective of the amount.
e. Counselor for life for each person
B. Epilogue
How was such passion created among the employees? How and why did they
behave the way they did?
The organization is clear that it is not something that someone can take
credit for. It is not some training and development that created such
behavior. If someone suggests that – everyone laughs
It has to do with the DNA of the organization, with the way Tata culture
exists and above all with the situation that prevailed that time. The
organization has always been telling that customers and guests are #1
priority
The hotel business was started by Jamshedji Tata when he was insulted in
one of the British hotels and not allowed to stay there.
He created several institutions which later became icons of progress,
culture and modernity. IISc is one such institute. He was told by the
rulers that time that he can acquire land for IISc to the extent he could
fence the same. He could afford fencing only 400 acres.
When the HR function hesitatingly made a very rich proposal to Ratan – he
said – do you think we are doing enough?
The whole approach was that the organization would spend several hundred
crore in re-building the property – why not spend equally on the employees
who gave their life?
This is NOT COVERED BY Any NEWS CHANNELS
Like JOKERS RUNNING AAJTAK, ZEE NEWS , IBN These People Busy SHOWING DOGS
CATS and cricketers
Forward to all people who you know to show what Ratan Tata DID for his
Employees and other Indians.
PASS ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!
LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT IS "CORPORATE SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY"?
madanmohan pavuluri
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
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